literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
