look no pants
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
