that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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