The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
