Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
