end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize