I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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