i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
