Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
