When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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