Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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