I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
