Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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