I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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