I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
