What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
