how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
