So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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