wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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