Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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