just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
