So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
