Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize