btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
