What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
