I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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