You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize