my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Mom said you looked used
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize