Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize