What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
