My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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