After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
