Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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