if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She told me I should be a condom model.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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