me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
