the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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