The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
