Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
