Plan B is the new Plan A
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
