he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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