I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
