...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
