What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
