Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
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