everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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