So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
