How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
