he told me I talked like a deaf person
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
