when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
