I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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