You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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