So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
