he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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