I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
