yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
