Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize