do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
