there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
