Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
