so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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