it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
