i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
