Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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