How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
