I showed him my bush... on skype.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's shark week go big or go home
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
