For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Also, beer. Big fan.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize